The servant brought out objects of silver and gold, and garments, and gave them to Rebekah; and he gave presents to her brother and her mother… Do not delay me, now that the Lord has made my errand successful. Give me leave that I may go to my master… They called Rebekah and said to her, “Will you go with this man?” And she said, “I will.”
Breysheet / Genesis 24:53-58 (Excerpted)
Our Torah portion features the mission of Abraham’s servant to find a wife for Isaac, an account includes the giving of gifts to Rebecca and her family as both demonstration and assurance that Abraham’s family into which she was marrying were people of means. Any negotiations regarding the marriage are forestalled by the recognition of the divine hand at work in the matter and are expedited by Rebecca’s willingness to leave immediately to meet her future husband.
Over centuries, conditions of marriage were formalized into legal documents, now called Tena’im, with the first stipulations being the who, when, and where of the marriage ceremony. Tena’im, which originally set forth the financial commitments of the families involved have evolved significantly in recent decades to express the desires and commitments of the bride and groom, such as the example below.
• To live in honor and respect as befits a Jewish husband and wife.
• To promote the honor and good name of the other as we would our own, in all situations, Jewish and secular, public and private.
• To treat the family and friends of the other with as much respect and care as we would our own.
• To do everything we can to ensure a comfortable, happy and meaningful life for both of us.
• To share equitably in the affairs of the household, including (but not limited to) cooking, cleaning, finances and child rearing.
• To consider, in all career moves or decisions, the feelings, concerns and career needs of the other, to be determined by discussion.
As this narrative concludes we rejoice with Isaac and Rebecca as they begin their life journey together.
Shabbat Shalom –
Rabbi David M. Eligberg
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